My body is numb and lifeless. I have hours of time that should be filled with productive creation but yet I sit here pondering and allowing myself to lay around in my own filth. I hate television, it kills the mind. I hate clutter, it hurts my soul. I hate perpetual clouds, they make me gloomy. I hate procrastination, its too easy to let it take over. I hate cats, they are all messy little fuckers. I hate messes, cleaning makes me angry. Maybe its the knowledge that I have this time that SHOULD be being used to my advantage that makes me so anxious. I can litterally feel the minutes ticking down, ticking down, I'm running out. It's paralyzing. Any minute Mila will be awake from her nap yet again and I will be full force adventure mommy with not even a second to do my own thing.
...... I hear crying now....
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